Previewing Money Matters

How much income should you have before you marry?

What is your total prospective income? (Include that of the wife if she expects to work after the marriage.)

If the wife continues to work after her marriage, what will you do with her income?

How high is the standard of living which each of you has become used to? How much will your marriage change this? What provisions have you made for any adjustments which may become necessary?

After you are married, who gets how much, and by what plan?How much of your own work will you do?

What will be your long-range policy on housing— rent, buy, or build? What have you studied which might enable you to buy or build more wisely?

What is your plan for life insurance? Do you know reliable sources of unbiased information?

Will the wife be employed outside the home after her marriage?

Could homemaking and motherhood be a full-time career?

Have you faced the problem of having a vocation for the wife after the children have grown?

39. How much income should you have  before you marry?

To this question there is no one answer. It depends largely upon what you regard as necessary. Taking families the world over, more than half of them must live on less than four dollars a week, and four-fifths of them on less than ten dollars a week. Our American standard, while very much higher, is decidedly less than many people suppose.

To begin with, do not judge your prospects by the last ten years. The years 1935-36, well above the depths of the depression but before the abnormal prosperity of the war years, were much more like what you should expect. These are also the most recent years in which a careful study of family income has been made. The figures quoted are for whole families, many of which included several children. At this time, if you received as much as $1,500 a year, you were in the top third for the country. Fifty dollars a week put you in the top eight percent, and $5,000 a year made you a wealthy plutocrat in the top three percent. Because of higher prices and higher income, we might have to double these figures to find an equivalent for today. Yet even now, fifty dollars a week is more than most American families receive.

These are general figures. Now let us consider your voca­tional and economic prospects.

40. What is your total prospective income? (Include that of the wife if she expects to work after the marriage.)

If you are now both employed, the answer to this question will be easy. If you are still in school or for other reasons have not yet secured employment, you will have to estimate your income as best you can. You can do this by finding out how much people in the kind of job you expect to have usually receive. Be sure also to find out what your chances are of securing such a job.

41.  If the wife continues to work after her marriage, what will you do with her income?

You have several possibilities. You can dump the incomes of both of you into a common pot and use it up as you go. You can use her earnings to buy furniture and the "extras" which go with establishing a household. Or you can save all she earns to take care of the extra expenses when baby comes. All questions of her earnings are necessarily bound up with the possibility of babies, which gives an interesting uncertainty to the whole matter, for the stork is a slippery bird. He often slides through the best-laid plans.

So always figure on the possibility of unexpected offspring.
Here is how one couple figured it out:
His probable income to start $3,000
Her probable income           $2,500
Total income to start            $5,500

If we use up all our income as we go and have a baby in two years, our income will be cut by $2,500 at the very time when our expenses have increased considerably. To avoid this we will live on his income, and save all hers for two years. By that time he should have had a raise and our situation will be:

His probable income        $3,5oo
Savings from her income  $5,000

Then, when we have our first baby we will draw on the savings to take care of all the extra expenses and we can go right on without having to drop our standard of living. This seems like good sense. It is for any couple who plan to marry.

42. How high is the standard of living which each of you has become used to? How much will your marriage change this? What provisions have you made for any adjustments which may become necessary?

Not many poor boys will marry rich girls. But many will marry girls who have become accustomed to a whole lot more than they can have during their first years of married life. This will often be true for you both. Not many young men can start in where Poppa left off. Those who glibly remark that "two can live as cheaply as one," often wake up to the distressing fact that they may have to. Here are some things to remember. While the bride was living with her folks she often received far more income than her allowance. She got room and board, either free, or much cheaper than she would have to pay for it elsewhere. She had the free use of expensive equipment, such as washing machine, refrigerator, sewing machine, food mixer and the car which the young couple will either have to buy or do without. Often she got free medical and dental service and considerable help on clothing. The young couple may not really know what they will be up against until it hits them. But they should at least try to see them coming and look them over. Here are two problems which they will find themselves facing:

a. The standard of living itself. Recently there appeared in the same magazine articles by men with families who received incomes of $3,000, $10,000 and $40,000 respectively. Each article explained the terrible time each family had in making ends meet. Poverty depends mainly upon what you think it is. Here is the formula: $3,000 income minus $3,500 expenditures equals hardship, bitter struggle and defeat; a defeat which can influence the success of your marriage: $3,000 income minus $2,800 expenditure equals ease of mind and on occasion, even a sense of luxury. Actually you can usually live on what you have to. Most people always have.

b. Win the battle of the budget. As we shall see later, an inability to live on an income may be the symptom of some emotional disturbance. Some people buy needlessly expensive things to overcome a feeling of personal inferiority. Others buy to get the friendly attention which they cannot get suf­ficiently from their friends. Such problems certainly bear on economic matters, but should be considered as personality difficulties. More strictly economic difficulties arise because you are used to a higher standard of living. You may be spending more than you can afford on perfectly desirable things which you could get along without. Because of this you may either be going without other things which you need more, or running into debt. Debt is not always bad. Special emergencies may make it unavoidable. Going into debt for what is a form of investment, such as a house or perhaps even a refrigerator may be even desirable.

But debt as a means of enabling people to live beyond their means and thus postpone the day of reckoning, has no place.

While we are on the subject of debt, we might briefly mention the problem of borrowing. In buying a large item, such as a house or a car, you may properly borrow. Other­wise the usual rule is "Don't." Borrowing encourages you to live beyond your means. Usually you can do better by living more simply. If you do borrow, get it from a credit union. If you cannot, many banks offer personal loans at rates lower than those of other sources. Before you marry, become acquainted with the possibilities and rates for bor­rowing in the town in which you are to live.

Winning the battle of the budget, then, requires a com­bination of essentials. These include the ability to make your money buy more, freedom from the need to spend money to inflate your ego, the discipline to refrain from buying non-essentials which you cannot afford and to keep reasonable track of your expenditures.

43. After you are married, who gets how much, and by what plan?

You probably will not be able to decide finally on a plan of distributing your income before you are married. In fact, you may change your plan several times after you have been married for some years. But you ought at least to know what the possibilities are. Here are some of them for you to con­sider:

1. The "dole" system. One person, usually but not always the husband, has complete control of the family purse. As the others, wife and children, want money, they go to him and ask for it, and he gives it as he sees fit.

Do we need to point out the limitations of this? They are the same as the limitations of any dictatorship; the absence of a free companionship, and the ignoring of both the rights and the development of others.

2. The "family treasurer" system. This works out somewhat like the dole system, but differs greatly in the spirit and nature of the relationship. Usually each member of the family who is old enough to handle money gets an allowance. The rest is turned over to either the husband or the wife, who does almost all the buying, pays all the bills, and other common expenses. If one of you enjoys and is good at handling money, while the other does not like to, and lacks the skill, this system may work out very well, provided it is based upon mutual agreement.
   
   
3. The "division of expenses" system. Certain expenses are assigned to the husband, such as rent, upkeep of the car and his clothing, and others to the wife, such as food, util­ities, and clothing for her and the children; and each is allot­ted enough to cover these. In some cases where both work and there are no children, each keeps his own earnings and the expenses are divided as if they were roommates.
   
   
4. The "rigid budget" system. All the income is assigned in advance. These allocations will include items of common expense, such as food, taxes, payments on the house or rent, and personal allowances which will include clothing for each member of the family. Then there is no question, nor ifs, ands, or buts.

The difficulty with this system is that it is often too rigid. To begin with, one month will vary considerably from an­other. Furthermore, it is sometimes difficult to cut up a clothing allotment, for example, on a monthly basis. A needed fall outfit may consume the budget for several months, and it would be difficult for a twelve-year-old girl, for example, to predict and plan for this. In short, it may prove too rigid to be workable, and thus abandoned.

Every family should budget, but any good budget must have plenty of "give," for tight budgets are like tight shoes. If they hurt too much people will throw them away. Some items, like rent, may be the same from month to month, but others demand a high degree of flexibility. And it is always desirable to have some money not assigned at all which can be used, not only for emergencies, but for special purposes that may seem desirable.

4. The "joint bank account" system. Usually this does not include the children, who are cared for by personal allowances. All the earnings of both husband and wife are deposited in a single account to which both have free access. In this case, of course, there is no need for allowances. Either one may pay any expenses, whether common or personal. In case of any large expenditure, as for a piano or a new car, they would consult each other and come to an agreement beforehand.

This system has the advantage of great convenience. It will work well provided that neither is unduly extravagant, and the income runs consistently above their expenses. But un­less the couple have more money than they want to spend, it, too, should be checked by a carefully considered, but flexible budget.

Whatever the system, whether through an allowance or access to the joint account, each member of the family old enough to handle money should have a certain amount which is his very own, which he may spend as he pleases without having to account for it to anyone else.

Have you carefully considered each other's spending pref­erences; where you would like to splurge and where you wish to save? The first real tiff which Hank and Marian had after their marriage was over what she regarded as his ex­travagance. Here she had been trying hard to save. She has passed up that gorgeous hat and that cute suit which looked as if it had been made just for her. And Hank was spending about six dollars a week on phonograph records, even though he already had over two hundred of them. Naturally she blew up. Hank, on his part, was hurt and puzzled. He loved good music. To him it was as if she had complained because he ate good food every week.

We need not go into the pros and cons of this particular scrap. We mention it to illustrate an important point which every engaged couple should go over before they marry; each other's spending preferences. Some people would rather see the money go into the house. Others prefer a better car. Some people like lots of books and magazines. Others would rather spend their money on clothes. One woman might wish a grand piano. Another will prefer a well-equipped kitchen. One husband turned over what he regarded as enough money to furnish the house to his wife and left for a two weeks' business trip. He returned to find the living room beautifully furnished, and an enviable stock of linens, but no chairs in the bedrooms. Don't take it for granted that the other person will want to spend money for what you think is important. You will save yourselves considerable grief by going over this whole problem together, well in advance of the wedding. Which brings us to our next ques­tion.

44. How much do you know about intelligent consumer buying? What books have you read? Are you familiar with the services available? Do you intend to sub­scribe to any of them?

At the present writing, if I take fifty cents into a store near our home, I can have two dozen small juice oranges. If I take it into another store, I can have three dozen of the same size and shape. In the first store, thirty cents means one package of dates. In the second store it means the same brand and package of dates, and a package of table salt. For one person, $150 is a radio. For another it is a better radio and a fifty-dollar wrist watch. It is hard for some people to believe that the most expensive is usually not the best.

Those who will inform themselves can buy many items, from groceries, clothing, and furniture to insurance policies, for much less than others pay. They may have no more money, but they sometimes have a fourth to a third more real income, which is goods and services. Most families, of whatever income, could increase their income very materially by wise spend­ing.

In recent years there have appeared a number of excellent books and pamphlets designed to aid the consumer, and at least two services to which consumers can subscribe, and receive regular reports on the merits of various products. Have you read any of these books and pamphlets? Are you familiar with any of the services? A careful review of this whole problem of consumer buying would not only make some of your dates profitable, but would be lots of fun, as well. As you get farther into the subject, you may feel that you will want to specialize. One of you look up and study certain kinds of items, and the other a different set. After you have been married a number of years you may want to bring your children in on this, also. But this lies still in the future.

45. How much of your own work will you do?

Not many of the prospective brides who read this book will have their work at home done by servants. But there are special services commonly

Consumers Research, Washington, New Jersey and Consumers Union, 38 East 1st Street, New York, 3, New

used by people who are far from wealthy, which can add considerably to, or save on the budget. Among these are cleaning services. If the couple have a cleaning woman come in once a week, and send their laundry out, it may cost them several hundred dollars more a year, than it would if they did these all themselves.

Food is another item which can involve considerable saving or expense. If the couple eats many meals out, or even if they buy much at a delicatessen store, it may cost them very much more than it would to prepare meals at home most of the time. Yet if the purchase of such services make it possible for the wife to hold down a full-time job, they may prove economical.

Is either of you handy with tools? Can you make or repair furniture, clothing or the car? Phil knew that Ginny's father was a cabinetmaker. But he did not know until after their marriage that he had taught his daughter to use tools. Like many young couples, they had only a limited amount of money for furniture. Ginny went through the second-hand shop and came back with what seemed to be junk; at least, much of it was battered and broken. But she knew her busi­ness, and within a few days, they found themselves with a passable living room suite and a really nice dining-room set. Ginny then proceeded to make a double-decker bed for the guest room, which could be used later on for the chil­dren, and several attractive bookcases.

Phil had some skills, too. In the army he had learned about gasoline motors, and was able to make a decrepit car furnish cheap transportation. Yes, this young couple could live far better, and present a nicer home, than any of the other couples in their group because they had skills worth money. How about you? It will be fun to inventory what you can do, and see how it can be used. But don't stop with what you now have. How about both of you taking some short night courses and learning some of these abilities which can save you so much in repairs, and even enable you to make many good and useful things for your household? At this point, don't let sex roles confuse you. It may be the husband who makes the drapes and the wife who can repair the furnace or the carl

46. What will be your long-range policy on housing— rent, buy, or build? What have you studied which might enable you to buy or build more wisely?

For many years to come, Americans will face a serious housing shortage. The young couple may feel that the only thing they need to know on this subject is, "Take anything you can get, anywhere, any way you can get it." Yet the problem is neither so desperate nor so simple. Chances both to buy and to build should increase considerably, especially if the pre-fabs get the green light. For any couple a real opportunity may come at any time. They should be ready to take full advantage of it. Before you marry, then, formu­late two kinds of housing programs for yourselves. Consider first, the one which you may have to accept. Then work out one which you will follow if you can.

One possibility which some couples will face is that of living with in-laws. Undesirable though this is, there may be no alternative.

Here are some questions which may arise around this problem:

1. If you have to, for how long?
   
   
2. Could you persuade the folks to do some remodeling so that you will have at least the semblance of a separate establishment? After all, with the children all grown, they no longer need all the room in that big old house. And after you move out, they may be glad to get the revenue by renting it to someone else.
   
   
3. What problems will you face in living with them? How can you keep your own independence without hurting their feelings? What understandings and agreements can you have with them which may help avoid embarrassment and un­pleasantness?

Now let us get on to your permanent policy. Do you plan to own or to rent? At present, when almost anything which is hollow can be sold for twice the price by tomorrow, buy­ing may seem the only intelligent policy. But some of us remember the depression when many houses could not be sold at all. We will leave this question for you to decide. Your decision will depend in part upon how much you ex­pect to move. If you expect that for the first few years the husband will move about considerably, buying or building should be avoided if at all possible. But if you do buy or build, you should first of all carefully study several of the now numerous books which deal with this subject. Every couple should know something of how to judge, repair or build their prospective dream home.

47. What is your plan for life insurance? Do you know reliable sources of unbiased information?

A wise program of life insurance may, over the years, save you many hundreds of dollars and give you better protection. Those concerned with the larger problem should read the more extensive discussions elsewhere. We shall limit our dis­cussion here to what you should know about life

Cf. Our discussion in Duvall and Hill, When You Marry, New York, Association Press, 1945, pp. 811-215 and Stewart, Maxwell, How to Buy Life Insurance, Public Affairs Pamphlet #62. Public Affairs Committee, New York.York.

insurance before you marry. For the sake of brevity we shall present it in the form of simple statements.

1. The insurance needs of the family vary with its development. Insurance should be planned so that there is a very high coverage while the children are small, and a much lower coverage after they have become self-supporting. This can be done by taking out term insurance, which costs about half what ordinary life does, and automatically expires after a given term of years.
   
   
2. The purpose of life insurance is to protect dependents. Therefore it should not be taken out before there are dependents  (which may include creditors)   who need protection. Policies should be taken out on the wage earners to protect dependents, not on the dependents themselves; that is, on the father, rather than on the children.
   
   
3. Insurance is best not combined with investment. For the ordinary man there is one sound investment; government bonds. A bond-buying policy plus term insurance will give greater protection than an endowment policy. Government bonds are also the best method of saving for the future education of children.
   
   
4. It makes considerable difference with which company you take out your policy. With some companies, the same protection may cost as much as fifty percent more than with other companies equally sound.
   
   
5. Insurance agents are engaged in an honorable and important task, but they are not always the most unbiased and reliable sources for information on life insurance.

48. Will the wife be employed outside the home after her marriage?

We have already considered the relationship of the outside employment of the wife to the probable income of the couple. We now raise the more controversial question of whether she should be employed at all or not.

Sometimes on this question, husband, wife, and circum­stances all agree. The man does not want his wife to be em­ployed outside the home. She does not want  to be so employed. They do not need the money. Or the agreement may be to the opposite situation. She wants to work, he wants her to, and they need, or at least want her earnings. When everybody agrees, it might seem that there is no problem. Yet it is not so simple. For however much they may agree, the employment of the wife outside the home does affect their relationships, for better or for worse, and usually, for both.

Therefore you should consider the whole problem carefully, however much you may be agreed. Note, too, that we have used the term "employed wife," not "working wife." For most wives do work within the home, and it is generally agreed that they should. Our real concern is with the effects of outside employment of the wife on the success of the marriage.

It is easy to take some extreme position. One can assert with great vigor that a married woman's place is in the home, that no proper married woman would even want to be employed outside, and that the employed wife is at the bot­tom of all the troubles of our world.

Or, we can say that all such ideas are childishly silly, and represent only the desire of reactionary tories to defend their privileges and their egos. But this is no adequate answer, either. The "old-fash­ioned" wife who stayed in her home and never dreamed of a job outside may have been subordinated. But she also had an assured position in life and society. With this came an inner feeling of security which the modern wife often lacks. One major problem of our times is that neither men nor women are quite sure what their role is with relationship to each other. Therefore both feel a degree of insecurity which undoubtedly increases the tensions between them. The solution is certainly not to be found in abortive at­tempts to go back to a pre-industrial era. Neither can the problem be solved by contemptuous dismissal. This whole question of your relationship to each other as man and woman you should approach with humble concern. A recog­nition that women vary a great deal as persons may help some.

How do variations among women affect the question of their outside employment?

1. Some women are temperamentally so built that unless they have a job of their own they either "blow up" or con­stantly meddle in the affairs of their husbands and, perhaps, with other husbands too.


2. Some women have special abilities as artists, authors or executives which ought not to be wasted. While they may take time out for children, they will and should be em­ployed outside their homes for most of their productive years.
   
   
3. Some women are so lacking in ability that housekeeping, even without children, taxes them to the limit of their abilities. Such women should, of course, not seek employment outside their homes.
   
   
4. Some women have full-time jobs within their own homes. Included among these are

a.        Wives of certain professional men, such as ministers, government officials or big business executives who have full-time jobs as assistants and hostesses.

b.       Farmers' wives

c.       Mothers of small children

5. Some wives  work  extensively  as  volunteers   in   the church, the P.T.A., the Red Cross and similar agencies, and have neither strength nor time for other employment outside their homes.
   
   
6. For a very large proportion of non-farm wives who do not have small children, their responsibilities at home should not take more than about half their time. Such women could handle a half-time position outside the home without having more than the equivalent of one full-time position. Such employment would not only bring additional income to their families, but would make them more interesting and responsible people.
   
   
7. Regardless of what they should do, an increasing number of wives will be employed outside the home until they begin having their babies, and perhaps again after their children are fairly well grown.

If the wife is employed outside the home, how will the household responsibilities be allocated? Here is a question to be carefully considered. Special services, such as laundry and cleaning, delicatessens and eating out, can materially re­duce the amount of work, in a household. They cannot do it all. There will still be some cooking, cleaning, dishwashing, and sewing to be done. Children in school do not need the constant attention required by infants, but they do need real supervision and support. If the wife works only half-time she may be able to carry most of the responsibility for the household work. She cannot fully meet the needs of her children. Every child needs two parents. If the wife works full-time, she should not be expected to do most of the housework in addition, even just for two.

The main difficulties which you have at this point may be emotional. It is fairly easy to state and to work out what would be a just arrangement. But both of you have been brought up in a culture in which the wife was expected to assume most of the household responsibilities. That is the way it probably was with your parents. Unless you take great care, not only the husband, but the wife also will just naturally feel that she should shoulder what is far more than her share.

49. Could homemaking and motherhood be a full-time career?

Yes, provided:

1. The wife trained for it as she would for any other fulltime profession. Such training would require at least an undergraduate major in child development and home management.
   
   
2. The wife had enough children to keep her employed full-time until a proper age for retirement; say, sixty-five. This would probably mean at least eight to ten children.
   
   
3.  Our present small families of from one to three children are not enough to keep a wife employed full-time for much more than half her productive years. Since few wives really want to make motherhood their career in any serious, full-time sense, we shall raise a further question.

50. Have you faced the problem of having a vocation for the wife after the children have grown?

For the couple not yet married, this question may seem to be a little previous. Yet it does involve policies which should be set in operation even before marriage. The woman of forty-five who seeks outside employment again faces sev­eral problems. She has been out of her field for a number of years. During this time she has lost not only skills, but con­tacts for employment. It is important, if she intends to go back, that during this period of absence she plan to keep up her skills reasonably well, and perhaps to keep up with the changes and advances in her field. Thus the girl who was a stenographer and hopes to become one again can keep up a modest amount of practice on her shorthand and typing, per­haps by doing a certain amount of volunteer work. The girl trained as a nurse can practice her skills every day with her own family and in her neighborhood. For the professional woman, the problem may be somewhat more difficult. We shall not attempt to solve it for anyone, but only to point out its existence, and some of the things which must be done.

Numerous studies of unemployment indicate clearly one thing; that the person who is unemployed tends to deterior­ate. Indications of this deterioration are well-known. The person may become somewhat dowdy and uninteresting. For some people, not to be needed is a terrible experience. There­fore the unemployed wife may strive desperately to be needed by meddling in the affairs of her husband or her children. If she were really to work at it, she might become of real value, at least to her husband. But with unemployment often comes a lack of discipline so that the person is unable to do a good job. They just meddle and interfere.

The problem of the unemployed wife is becoming increas­ingly serious and difficult, particularly among our middle class. And this problem our young couple should at least become aware of, long in advance.

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